Groucho Marx
October 2, 1890 – August 19, 1977

“On the air, I never get over the kick of thinking, ‘Here is Groucho Marx, and I’m getting paid to sit here with him.” I remember one of his lines on my morning show that was widely quoted, and stolen by unknown comedians and by one or two well-known ones. We had discussed the musical Hair for a moment. It had just opened, and because it contained Broadway’s first frontal nude scene with both sexes there was a lot of talk about it. I asked Groucho if he had seen it, and I knew he did not have a prepared answer. I saw the machinery whir for a split second, and he said, ‘No. I was going to see it, but I went home, took off my clothes, looked at myself in the mirror, and saved seven dollars.’ The audience roared, and the line sped round the country and into several nightclub acts. Sitting that close, I could see that the suddenness of the line and the laugh surprised him for a tenth of a second. Then he calmly put his cigar in his mouth and waited out the laugh.” — Dick Cavett

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.

— Groucho Marx (via sittingquietly)

Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

— Groucho Marx (via yccclibrary)